Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Annoying Things to Say to Vegetarians

I bet you think you're really funny, huh. Hilarious. Bet you think we've never heard that one before. Haha. GOOD ONE. Exactly what response is it that you are aiming or hoping for in delivering these sarcastic, smug, sparkling lines of genius which, I hate to break it to you, we will have heard 

The golden corner of comedy: annoying things that people say to vegetarians.

Why do you eat stuff that looks/tastes like meat? (eg Quorn)
I will begin with a reasonable, simple, easy-to-fucking-understand explanation for this. Because some people are clearly in the subcategory of intelligence. Some people don't eat meat because they do not enjoy the taste/texture etc of meat, that is true. They probably do not eat meat replacement products. Here's the catch. Others don't eat meat for ethical reasons. Therefore. If someone enjoys the taste/texture etc of meat but does not feel it is fair/right to be a part of the meat industry... they may consume meat imitation products such as quorn. This is NOT a contradiction to their lifestyle. Do you see why???? Because... eating meat imitation products is not the same as eating meat products. Because... here comes the magic... it's not meat. Ok?

If you're vegetarian why do you eat eggs, you're basically eating a baby chicken?
I'm just gonna go out there and say this: eggs that you eat are from egg-laying hens. These hens are not in the presence of a rooster. For an egg to become a """baby chicken""" the hen and the rooster gotta do the dirty. Ain't no rooster in the picture. To put it bluntly: dairy eggs are periods, not babies.

So, like, where do you get your protein?
Are you really that narrow minded????? If meat was the only source of protein then we would probably call meat protein and not meat. Just like we don't call bread carbs we call it bread. Cause you get carbs from pasta, rice, all sorts of places. Protein: eggs, nuts, beans, lentils, soya etc etc etc. Not just fucking chicken.

If you love animals so much why do you eat all of their food...
Just shut the fuck up.

But what if you were stranded on a desert island...?
Yeah, but I'm not. And I probably never will be. If you're gonna attack my lifestyle, be reasonable. Saying this to me is basically saying "as a last resort in my ridiculous issue I have against your not eating meat..."
And for arguments sake, if there's animals living on the island then they have a food source too, probably plant based. So shut up. Shhhut up.

You're not going to change anything you know.
Wrong. Just wrong. And irrelevant. 

Ahhhh man up and get yourself a burger/steak/bacon sandwich!
This is literally just so stupid. I can almost feel your insecurity seeping through the word burger. I can feel you subconsciously checking yourself and the morality of your own actions. The hypocrisy within your lifestyle which compels you, like the power of Christ, to judge and dictate what other people do morally. Chances are, a vegetarian doesn't care that you eat burgers/steaks/bacon. Or at least they withhold from personally and directly commenting upon it. But they probably don't think they are better than you either. Yet this just screams "I feel threatened by you because you are different". Buzz off. It's embarrassing. 

I could be a vegetarian, I only really eat chicken.
Well, sunshine, you could be. But you're not. Cause you eat chicken. Wow, isn't that some magical logic. I don't care.

And the golden hilarious most original unique and side splittingly funny arrogant ignorant meat eater comment:

But bacon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I won't even go there.

From now on, my response to such fools will be either; 

or, what I find to be the most effective response;

There is no reasoning with you people.

When it comes down to it, we can tell immediately whether you're a cool genuine person or an insecure bitter little asshole purely in your tone of voice when you ask "why?"

(I am not attacking all meat eaters this is a post intended to be slightly informative and somewhat humorous and entertaining please do not be offended this is NOT a personal attack against anybody)

Also, check out this cause it's fucking awesome
Meat eater or veggie you gotta read it you just gotta

Thanks for reading!
☽ Morgan ☾
Follow my twitter & instagram @morgancrawf

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